I Want a College Applicant

    I want a college applicant. I want someone who can effortlessly juggle academics, extracurriculars, and community service, all while maintaining a perfect GPA and radiating an aura of never-ending enthusiasm. I want them to be a master of all trades, a person of leadership, a humanitarian with a side hustle in astrophysics—because why not? 

    I want a college applicant who has scaled Mount Everest, dived the deepest ocean trench, and perhaps discovered a new planet during their gap year. I want someone who doesn't merely volunteer but has single-handedly solved world hunger during their summer break. 

    I want a college applicant with a personal statement that reads like Shakespearean poetry, essays that rival the wisdom of ancient philosophers, and recommendation letters that make angels weep with joy. Perfection is not an option; it's a requirement.

    I want a college applicant who not only embraces challenges but sleeps with them under their pillow, ready to conquer each one before breakfast. Failure? Never heard of it. They only know of "momentary setbacks" that fuel their journey to inevitable success. I want a college applicant who will "be themselves" but also meet and surpass every expectation we have.

    I want a college applicant who has invented an app to save the bees, written a bestselling novel in a language they created, and composed a symphony for extraterrestrial beings. All before the age of eighteen, of course.